Page 323 - Death

I wish something would happen to me.

Something of relevance.

Something serious.

Something bad.

Something that would give me a real reason to feel this lonely, useless and miserable.

Today I found out that I have breast cancer.

The strange thing is that now, in the the face of possible death, life seems so full of color and happiness.

I just hope I have enough time to enjoy it.

I pretend that I'm happy to be alive.

I act like I'm thankful that you found me with the gun aimed at my head.

But, I wish I could have died.

I don't want this life.

I saw the cuts today.

They were fresh.

Edith, if you ever see this, I'm so sorry.

Please stop.

I'd never be able to live with myself if I knew you died.

Every day I think of what would happen if I spent the whole day at school in tears.

Who would ask what's wrong?

Every day I think of what would happen if I were in the hospital. Who would visit me?

Every day I think of what would happen if I died. Who would cry?