I'm scared.
Terrified, that one day my bestfriend will tell me she's sick of me.
I'm terrified that the suicidal thoughts are back. One day, I won't be able to stop myself.
I just hope that it's not tonight.
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About a year ago, I couldn't eat anything without throwing up and doctors didn't know why.
I kept getting compliments on how pretty and thin I was. When the problem went away, so did the compliments.
Was my medical issue really that beautiful and perfect to you all?
I cut myself.
I've tried to do it less, so my family wouldnt notice but I have worn short sleeves for the past few days in hopes that someone would see.
If they have, they either don't care enough to find out what it is, or they are too scared to find out. Hopefully its the second one.
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I know for a fact no one is perfectly happy.
That's why it hurts even more to know I've never heard about one of my friends problems.
I wish they would see me as someone to talk to.
To know that I'm not just there to crack a joke during an awkward silence.
Mostly, I just want to know someone's problems are worse then mine.
I starved myself for 3 months to be a size 0 and less than 100 pounds.
Those three months were hell on earth.
But you know what? I loved my body then. I loved showing it off.
Now being a size 6 and 135 pounds- I get guys.
I have boobs. I look healthy. I'm happier.
Except when I look in the mirror.
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